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Calling Bullshit on Positivity - Staying out of the toxic positivity rabbit hole [Podcast Ep 61]

Mar 15, 2021

In this episode, I’m breaking down why you don’t have to be positive 24/7, why it’s human to feel other emotions, and how to keep negative thoughts from ruining your entire day.

  • How you can shift your perspective so that it doesn’t ruin your day
  • Why it’s ok to not be happy all day, every day
  • The importance of being conscious of your negative thoughts so you can act and make changes 

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Hey, everyone. Welcome back to the elevated entrepreneur podcast. We're going to talk today about positivity and how I'm going to call on it. It's not that positivity is because it's not. It's the toxic part of positivity. What I mean by that is when you are trying to have this constant positive mindset. And when you think that every negative thought you had like ruins the entire day or ruins your entire, like, I just screwed up my whole manifestation process or just screwed up my whole business by thinking this negative thought I got stuck in this loop in the very beginning of, you know, my self-development journey, because all we hear all the time online on podcasts, on all of these things is think positive, be positive. If you know, have positive feelings, positive feelings come back and you know, that's true to a point, you know when you think positive and you know, raise your vibe and you feel good and you believe and all of these things, yes, great things can happen. But really, so have to remember that we're human and we have other feelings other than positivity. We have to have the contrast in our lives to understand what the positive even is. So remembering that staying positive consistently and not thinking that you can ever have another negative thought or feel a bad feeling or go through a situation and know that you know, okay, is my vibe low in this situation? That--that's not okay because it is okay. It's totally okay.

As I said, we are humans. We go through a myriad of emotions all the time, every single day. Like, I don't even know how many emotions I go through a day. Right. I started my journey and self-development, you know, I was constantly-- I don't want to say constantly here. Here's what happened. I knew that I had all these limiting beliefs. I knew I had all this. I don't know, I guess, garbage from my life that I was kind of carrying around. Right. And knowing that there were patterns that I was consistently repeating that I didn't want to repeat anymore or thoughts that I was having. Mostly self-talk right. It's self-talk like, you look in the mirror, you walk by the mirror and you're like, Oh, my stomach looks big today. Right. Or my thighs, my, whatever it is, my hair's crazy. I got bags under my eyes, whatever it is, you walk by the mirror and you instantly pick out the thing that is, you know, not good. Like the thing that you're like, Oh, that's that doesn't look good, whatever it is. Right. We don't walk by the mirror and are like, I asked, looks good in these jeans. No, it's like, Oh, I got a muffin top look, I don't think I like these jeans. Right?

Like, that's just how we have been trained to look at ourselves. Some of us, not all of us, hopefully, there are some of you out there that will look in the mirror and be like, whoop. Yep. Got this. You go girl. But I know for myself that I will walk by a mirror and especially in the beginning, in the past, and at the beginning of this self-development journey that I would walk by the mirror and pick out the nastiest thing that I could say to myself, I would say to myself, that is the first thought that popped into my head. And it didn't take me looking in the mirror, like stopping and looking in the mirror. And I didn't have to think about the thought, think about what I was going to say to myself. It just popped into my head, just popped in.

And for a long time, I didn't even think about it. It was just a thought that popped into my head. I would walk by the Murrumbidgee or whatever, and just keep walking. Right. And not realize that that thought was now carried with me through the day and affected, you know, how I showed up, how I talked, how I was being in my life. Right. So when I started this entrepreneurial journey, it was, self-development stops you in the face. We talk about this all the time. And then, you know, you start walking by the mirror and you now are realizing your thoughts, right? So now you're consciously thinking about the thoughts you're thinking. Does that make sense for anybody that is doing this work? Do you know what I'm talking about? So now you're consciously listening to the thoughts in your head and you're like you say to yourself, Oh my, my, you know, love handles are sticking over my jeans today. And you don't like it and you, you know, automatically you go, Oh my God, I just had that thought, Oh my God, I just had a negative thought about myself. I just screwed up my whole day of talking nice to myself. And what did you just do? You just double negative to yourself. Cause you just pretty much told yourself now you're not good enough. Or, you know, you're not, I don't know savvy enough or you didn't catch the thought fast enough, you didn't do something right.

So when we talk about positivity, it's not about being positive 24/7 being happy, and joyful 24/7, I think, you know, can you imagine we're all, I mean, don't get me wrong. It probably would be a really nice world. If we were all walking around here, happy and joyful all the time, and could treat each other with respect and dignity and all of the things and just look at each other as equals, that would be freaking amazing. And we can still strive for that. It's not what we're talking about here. What I'm talking about here are you and your thoughts and you know, but imagine right now, everyone walking around happy and joyful and you know, without any other emotion, I can't, that's not even human. It's not human. We weren't built like that. We weren't built to not have any other emotion.

So what I want to talk about here is, you know, that time that you do look in the mirror and you're like, the first thought that comes to your head is Ugh. Or for whatever reason, it doesn't even matter what the reason is. But your first thought is one of, Oh, that yuck, right? Because I've had this thought before I've been there, I still do it sometimes. But the more you become conscious of that thought, the more you can, you know, just say to yourself, Hmm, let's take a step back because this is how it happens for me. I walk by a mirror and I look at myself sometimes and I'm like, Ugh. And the thought might be you know, the shirt's too tight. Like my love handles are sticking out, I don't know my boobs. Aren't standing up the way they should be.

My hair's a mess. My skin doesn't look glowy today. Whatever the hell it is. Right. I will take a step back and I will look in the mirror because I have realized though, which is the first step is to just realize this, the thought, right. We realized the thought we stepped back. We look in the mirror and we say something positive about ourselves. Not worrying about the thing that we just said before, because this is what I would do before I walk by the mirror. Oh, I look big in these jeans, keep walking. And then I would be like, Oh, I just like totally screwed up. Like that whole thing. I shouldn't have thought that was bad. And then I would go down this like spirally rabbit hole of not being good enough or not feeling worthy or not feeling self-love.

So that's what I mean about toxic positivity where you think you screwed up because you thought something negative, you didn't screw up. You're a human that's what we do. We screw up so we can learn. So the more you screw up that one time, and then you catch it and you're like, Oh, I just had, you know, I just said that to myself, I'll step back to the mirror and just say something positive in the mirror or you know, point something out in my reflection that I love. Or sometimes I'll even say to my fiance, tell me something nice. Tell me something you love about me because sometimes it's nice to hear somebody else say it one and two. It gives you something you're like, oh, I never even thought about that. Right? Like it doesn't, and it doesn't even have to be physical. It can be something that they just love you.

So understanding that positivity consistent 24/7 thinking you have to be positive all the time is. We need to get that clear.  Change your thoughts. You can change your beliefs. You can change the way you think, you can change the loops, the repeating loops of that you tell yourself that you think that you can change anything you want. But now that there are steps that you're, it's like learning when you're a kid when you're, you know, baby, right. You start crawling and then you get on two feet and then you fall and then you get back up and then you get back on the GV. And then you're all right. Like that's what this journey is kind of like the self-development journey of finding true you and finding yourself and loving yourself and understanding who you are is all the foundation to, you know, to build greatness in your life and to have greatness in your life and to create greatness in whatever it is, the success, the money, the relationships, the vacations, the house, the car, the impact, all of that stuff has to be built from you loving yourself.

And that it doesn't mean that you have to be that positive. I love myself all the time and there's nothing ever wrong, or there's something that I don't ever feel a little crappy about. That's healthy. It's healthy to have the contract, it would be great to love yourself all the time in every single aspect of it. But it's okay if you don't. It's okay to look in the mirror and not completely love everything that you see. The difference is how you feel about it and what you're going to do about it. So I look in the mirror, my love handles are hanging over my jeans, not awesome, right? Not really how I want to look great. What am I going to do about it? That's the perspective shift. That's the mindset shift right there. Instead of going, I'm so fat. I, Kim, need to lose 25 pounds. I looked like. I feel like I, you know, just feeling crappy because my love handles are my, my jeans are loving my sides a little bit more than I want, and then feeling crappy about it and bringing that into the rest of my existence and my energy field and everyone else's energy field. But I go around, what am I going to do about it?

And that all depends on you. Like, that's a totally personal decision on what you're going to do about it, but you can do something about it. You can make the choice. You can be like, Nope, I don't want my jeans to love my waist that much. So I'm gonna, you know, go to the gym at least once a week or twice a week, I'm gonna, you know, eat a little differently. I'm going to take a walk with my kids today. I'm going to go to the park. I'm gonna make a run. I'm gonna do something that will help my jeans, not love my waste so much. That's the difference between you being positive and taking action, or going down the rabbit hole of toxic positivity and not either, you know, going down that rabbit hole of, Oh my God, I just screwed up my whole day by thinking this one thing. Now I'm a piece of and I don't deserve to, you know, be happy

Too great. I own mine. I have all my power. I empower myself. I am incredible. And this is what I'm going to do to fix it. This is what I'm going to do to change the thing that I don't like anymore. And this is what I want. So here's how I'm going to get it. There's the difference. So positivity is in that aspect. Do not down yourself for having a negative thought, because you're just double negative things yourself. You know, if that's a word you're just giving yourself a double whammy by one thinking the negative thought, and then to being negative about having the negative thought, that's.

Instead, we can go, okay. I had the thought, what am I going to do to change the thought, what can I do next time? What can I do better? What can I, you know, how can I talk to myself the next time I go walk by the mirror or walk by the mirror, go back to the mirror and be like, you know what? You are awesome. And today our genes love our waste a little bit more than they should. And we're gonna, you know, make that commitment to not, you know, not have our genes, love our waist as much or whatever it is. There are a million ways that we can talk crappy to ourselves. How are you going to not, you know, fix the, I keep saying fix and it's, I really don't like the word fix. I guess change would be a better word. How are you going to change your thought the next time? Like, yeah, okay. This is how it is right now, but this is where what we're going to do to fix that. And this is what I'm going to say to myself. The next time I look in the mirror and my jeans are loving me a little too hard.

I'm going to be like, okay your body is healthy and it's working and it's doing the things it's supposed to do.

And I'm grateful that I have some handles that I have jeans that love me a lot. And this is how, you know, we're gonna change, you know, my body a little bit. And so that I feel better so that my genes love me better. So the next time I look in the mirror, I'm going to be like, Hey, those jeans are loving me just right today. So no toxic positivity people. Okay. Do not hate yourself or thinking a negative thought because like, you know, think about that. Just think about it, just thinking about it for me, kind of like, Ooh, it's like this rabbit hole of negative and then negative thought, then another thing I thought, and then it just like drizzles down instead of just having just that one negative thought and being like, Oh, I had that negative thought. Now we can shift it instead of it, you know, running the rest of your day or your energy or anything like that. So, awesome. I hope this helped.

And I hope that you got something out of it. Let me know, send me a DM, shoot me a message. Screenshot this episode and tag me on your stories and Instagram. I want to hear from you. I want to hear from you. I want you to tell me what else do you want to hear in this podcast. I can come up with content for days, but I want to know what you want. So let me know, send me messages, and don't forget to leave a review on Apple because that helps us get to more people and it helps, you know, helps me and helps you. So everyone has an awesome day or night, depending on when you're listening to this episode and we'll see you in the next one.

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