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Finding Yourself When You Have An Empty Nest - with Colleen Rosenblum [Podcast Ep 16]

Jun 01, 2020

This chapter of "midlife and beyond" is not the same stage as our mothers or grandmothers: we are writing a new story, finding new careers, paths, travels, adventures and relationships. We are setting new goals as we empty nest and we are enjoying this third chapter which may be the best chapter yet. We get to choose.

  • Letting go and creating a new reality
  • Shifting your mindset from full time, they-need-me-all-the-time mom to I-have-all-the-free-time-what-do-I-do
  • Giving yourself permission to focus on yourself and enjoy life
  • Finding your purpose

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http://hotflashescooltopics.com

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Jenessa (00:24):

Hey everyone, welcome to the elevate podcast. I'm here today with Coleen Rosenblum and her and her host, her cohost, um, host the clashes and cool topics podcast. And it is a podcast for midlife women in midlife and they're changing the narrative in midlife and beyond to look forward to a new chapter of life. So welcome Coleen. How are you today?

Colleen Rosenblum (00:51):

I am doing very well and thanks for having me on. I appreciate it. You're so welcome. I'm kind of excited to talk about this issue because you know, you're, you're right, that media and society, social media, everything, like I think once women turn like 45 or 50 and they're, they're not a mom. I mean they're always going to be a mom, but they don't have children that they're necessarily have to take care of every day to keep them alive anymore. Right? Because they're older and they're pretty much on their own. They do come back. So it's like the forgotten, you know, stage of, of womanhood that once women get there, they go, well, now what do I do?

Jenessa (01:36):

Right. And it's really under appreciated because it's not so much of, yes, it's now what I do, but what I can do anything, you know, I can do whatever. If someone had told me that at 52 I would start a podcast, I would have been like, sure, that's, yeah, that's not going to happen. You're like a pod. What? Yeah, exactly. Where do I find, like I would have just thought they were insane. I had no, you know, I have a degree in communications from college way back when, but I don't have practical experience in the whole editing and social media. So it was, it was a time of learning. So you really can do anything you want at this stage.

Jenessa (02:14):

Yeah. Yeah. And what do you find that the majority of women are feeling at this stage?

Colleen Rosenblum (02:22):

You know, some of them feel a little bit invisible. Um, they spent a lot of their time being mom being a corporate leader and now all of a sudden they're not the first person seen when they walk into a room or they may not be heard by people. And that can be very frustrating for some women. I find it to be kind of a super power because you really fly under the radar, which can be very nice. Um, and it's a matter of perspective. So I think a lot of women in this generation, and I say 45 to about 65 are kind of rediscovering what it means to be, to have self value because it's not necessarily declined by external things anymore. You kind of have to find it yourself.

Jenessa (03:07):

Yeah. And I find that women that I talked to you because like I was just telling you before we hit record that I just turned 46 so I'm right in the beginning part of your, you know, demographic of women at that age, while I still have children, I do have to keep alive every day. They are older and more self sufficient than most other moms. You know, you have that are younger than me. Right. So, um, it is now like a time for that. I feel like it's like I'm coming out of this cocoon and this point, you know, like, Oh, I was, you know, uh, in this stage and in the, in a stage where you have to focus on, you know, your kids and school and, you know, doing all of those things. And now it's a little different for me and I don't have to, I mean, while I do focus on my kids every day, don't get me wrong. That's, um, I know I've, yes, yes. Like, you know, like I said, they're more self sufficient so it's not, they don't have to be looked at after constantly. Like I don't have to keep my eye on them all the time. Um, so I have more time for myself and what to do at that time is the question. Yeah, well, now I'm an entrepreneur,

Colleen Rosenblum (04:34):

see, and sometimes it's just pivoting and sometimes it's, it's exploration. It's do I remember what I even wanted to do back in my twenties and thirties before I had kids? Because it may have changed. You may have no desire to do those things that you wanted to do in your twenties and thirties there might be new adventures and they don't have to be huge. It doesn't have to, you know, book a cruise around the world kind of thing. It can be very simple. Do you, do you miss listening to music? Do you miss a hobby? Do you miss reading? Pick up those things that brought you joy or you think will bring your joy and if it works, great. If not, try something else.

Jenessa (05:11):

Yeah. Or you know, what are those things that you always wanted to do but didn't exactly like take that yoga class or you know, take a any class, learn something new, do something small like hike every day or you know, take a walk with your dog every day. Like it could be absolutely anything. You're right, it does not have to be anything big

Colleen Rosenblum (05:35):

and it's just kind of changing your mindset. Each time you do something, it just refocus your mindset a little bit more.

Jenessa (05:42):

Yeah. And focus more inward instead of outward. Exactly. Yeah. It doesn't great. Yeah. Great time to connect with you again.

Colleen Rosenblum (05:52):

It really is, it really is a time to, um, I write blog called freedom in your fifties and I take things that normally people would think of as, Oh, I can no longer do this well yet, but you can do that and reframing your mental, you know, ideas of what you don't. You're, you're must, I must get up and get the kids, you know, I must go to soccer practice. Those things are no longer musts, so you can kind of decide what is a must breech day. You know, and it might be something small and it might be something big, but you're no longer in that mode of constant treadmill all day long. I mean, you're still in that mode because you've got kids now that are probably in, you know, different after school activities and things like that. Um, but it's, it's a treadmill and when you get off of it, sometimes it takes a while to get your flooding.

Jenessa (06:47):

Yeah. It's kind of like going from an employee to an entrepreneur. Right, exactly. Yeah. Cause you know, you jump into the entrepreneurship and you're, you're still in that mindset of being an employee. Well, who's telling, who is telling me what to do? Like how do I make these decisions? What do I do next? Well, you get to decide all of that. Exactly. And children, it kind of goes from, I must know everything that's happening to, I'm on a need to know basis. You don't always have to know. I mean, I have daughters, they tell me everything, which I'm very grateful and blessed. But sometimes I'm like, okay, I didn't really need to know that particular piece of information. But you do, you know, when they're kids and you have to know where they are all the time and what they're doing all the time. And are they safe, are they healthy now it's kind of like you're more on a more need to know basis. Yeah. Yeah. And that is also tough for parents too, right?

Colleen Rosenblum (07:48):

It's hard. We talk a lot about that on the show. Empty nesting and letting go. And we, we kind of, again, our theme is always changing the narrative. So we try to say yes, it is hard when your children leave for school or leave to go out on their own and get their own apartment, whatever they might be doing. Um, and it's okay to be sad, but that doesn't have to be the only emotion you're feeling. You can also have things to look forward to and glad about. So, so you could be sad and miss them terribly, but you can do that on a beach, drinking a mimosa just as easily do it at home and chose them from afar. Have fun at college kids because they're having fun. They may miss you like crazy, but they're having a good time so you can miss them and still be happy at the same time and you know, feel those emotions and kind of let them pass through and know they're safe and know they're happy and they're healthy and you've done a good job. Yeah, I deserve a little reward here. So I will miss them terribly while on the beach reading a book and drinking the most, living my best life. I'm living my best life and be sad and calling

Colleen Rosenblum (08:56):

them and say, look at the water. This is where I'm at.

Jenessa (08:58):

Yeah. Yeah. And that's really it, right? Like you just have to choose to create your new reality. Is that cause that's exactly what it is. It's a new reality.

Colleen Rosenblum (09:12):

So it can be incredibly scary. It really can. Can that saying you have put everyone else ahead of you for so long and you did it with, you wanted to, I mean that's just your mom, your wife, you're a corporate executive, whatever that is. You put everybody else ahead of you and now you're given this permission to make yourself happy and you're like, what do I do with that? You know? Yeah. It can be quite overwhelming for some women. And we talked to them on the show all the time that'll like, I had to take baby steps.

Jenessa (09:44):

Yeah, yeah. I can imagine. It's so I have one older daughter who's 26, so I've kind of already been through that part of it. Um, but the two younger ones might be a little more difficult for me. Uh, but, but I feel like, you know, almost, and I can imagine there's probably a lot of women that feel like this too, is that once you're not, you know, uh, their sole source of life anymore that you can almost feel like you're not needed anymore. Absolutely. Now, if I'm not a mom, what am I? If I'm not a wife, what am I and yeah,

Colleen Rosenblum (10:28):

who's going to need me? But you need you, you need to figure out what makes you happy. It's, it's, it's a gift. Again, it's reframing the dialogue in your head to nobody needs me to, Oh, okay. Nobody daily needs me to keep them alive. So what can they exactly there. They don't need me on a daily basis. So what can I do now? Like what's, what's good for me? You know, even if it's going to the movies and going to see a chick flick that no one would go with you normally. And sitting there and enjoying your popcorn. Yeah. Just go find something to enjoy. Exactly. For you. You've earned it. Yes. Hell yes. You've earned it. Exactly. It's, you know, you survived. Especially after the teenage years. Um, I was lucky my daughters didn't give me too much grief, but Oh my, I've heard stories and I've been with friends, so I'm like, you survived. You deserve that. Whatever you want, you deserve a chocolate cake. Like everybody survived. Like that's a big deal. Everyone in my family survive. Yeah. But it's definitely a work in progress and you get to focus on yourself a little bit more, which women can find very unnerving. And that's part of the narrative we want to change on the show. It's like, Oh, give yourself permission to focus on stuff.

Jenessa (12:00):

Yeah. I, I mean I, I have, my clients are women in business, right? So all of these things come up when you're building a personal brand too, right? It's, it's pretty, I mean, besides the point that, you know, they don't, not necessarily the keeping everyone alive thing because they may or may not still be doing that. But you know, getting yourself out there and giving yourself permission to just be bold and just be you and get your message out to the world is, you know, it's big and the permission part of it. Like I think that a lot of women just don't realize that they really had, they don't need permission from anybody but themselves and they could have given themselves permission to do whatever the hell they wanted way back when. Really, um, you know, so,

Colleen Rosenblum (12:59):

and the other, the other side of that coin is we had a, we did an interview with an author named ADA Calhoun and she has a book right now called why we can't sleep a women's midlife crisis. And she was talking about how we are generation X, at least our generation is generation X and the boomers, they fought so hard for the equal rights for women that they expected their daughters to achieve everything because they were able to do so well. She interviewed a lot of women and she was finding that yes, they achieved whatever they were told they could now, but it's not necessarily what they wanted to do. So now they got exactly what they were told they should want and they don't want it. So what do you do with that?

Jenessa (13:42):

Right. Well, and, and that doesn't mean that, you know, those moms that fought for those rights failed. It knows that they succeeded because now those daughters can make the decisions they want to make.

Colleen Rosenblum (13:54):

Right? And our generations, our children see that we are making choices whether to do it or not. And so they will then learn from us. As, you know, we learned from the boomer generation. Right. But it is, you are allowed to make choices. It's not, um, you know, I started my professional career as an attorney and I hated it and I practiced law for many years and I realized that, you know, it was okay. I, I did what I had to do, but I didn't want my daughters to see me in a career I hated, simply because while I was a lawyer, it was a power position. But I was miserable and I didn't want my daughters to see that. So I left the practice of law and they saw, I actually stayed home for a while and then I became a Claudia's instructor of all things, which is a total one 80 attorney. And, but I was happy and I was doing something I loved and my kids saw it and they would be like, my mom's a instructor. And I'm like, okay. You wouldn't have said that if I was so lawyer. Yeah. They saw me happy. And that's what I want for my girls. And I think a lot of people want is just for the kids to see what they can be, whatever they want to be.

Jenessa (15:06):

Yeah. Because to say that and not really be living that

Jenessa (15:10):

is like they're gonna do what you do, not what you say. Right.

Jenessa (15:17):

Y'all know, you know, we try to teach them to do the opposite, but it doesn't work that way.

Colleen Rosenblum (15:24):

Yeah. But I did want, I thought it was really important for my girls to see me in doing something that I love to do because I, you know, it's just, it's hard when you are miserable in your job, you bring it home. And that's a whole nother, that's a whole nother episode. Yeah, that's totally true. You know,

Jenessa (15:44):

because I know I've been there, you know, I've worked in an office my entire life and you know, when that, it gets to the point where you're like dragging yourself to work and you're dragging yourself home and even sitting in front of a computer, you're exhausted when you get home because that's like just mentally exhausting. Right? Right. So when you get back home again and you're like, Oh, dinner, like, Oh, you want my attention? Oh, what? No. You know?

Colleen Rosenblum (16:15):

Right. And then you've got to shift gears and be mom and

Jenessa (16:18):

yes. Yeah. And you're constantly shifting gears at that stage anyways. But yes.

Colleen Rosenblum (16:26):

Yeah, the freedom as they get older, or even if your career was your child and you kind of went up that corporate ladder and you no longer have to achieve or you decide to change your career, it's all kinds of freedoms that come with being over 40 that women don't always see. They see. I talked to a lot of women who feel like, you know, we have such experience and it's not being appreciated in the corporate world. And until we get other women CEOs that understand the value of experience, that's going to be a problem for women. You know, it's going to be a challenge, but if you're willing to work hard, then nothing really can hold you back. I mean, you know that from your clients. If they're willing to work hard and learn, it's not an age related thing. You can learn at any age. Yeah. And you know, yes. Well work. Working towards what your goal is is definitely important. You know, working hard. I don't like that phrase. I don't, I really don't like the phrase working hard because you know, to get what you want to get what you, you're dreaming of, to greet your goals, you know, really all you have to do is just keep taking action. Right. Right. So to me, hard sounds

Jenessa (17:50):

like, you know, you're just stressed out and you can't stop working and you gotta keep going. You gotta keep going. You gotta keep going to get what you want. You don't, you don't have to do those things. You just have to take action and keep, you know, keep going forward. Yeah. It doesn't have to be hard. It just has to be moving. Exactly. Yeah. In the right direction. Exactly the direction you want. Right?

Colleen Rosenblum (18:17):

No, you're right, you're right. So, and that doesn't, that's not age dependent.

Jenessa (18:24):

No, not at all. Not at all. But for, for women who have been maybe in the corporate world for a long time and are now in that stage where they don't have to be home at a certain time to take kids to here, there or wherever and they love the corporate world and they want to move up now, you know, maybe it's time that they, you know, are really gonna dig in to get that VP position or CEO position or you know, do whatever it is that they really want to do in their corporate world. It doesn't matter where you're, where you work or what you do. If it's your own business or your, you love the job that you have, like just whatever it is that you want beyond bringing your children up and keeping them alive for that 18 years and it is important. Yeah. And you did a great freaking job doing that. Like if everyone survived and they're off to college or they're often, whatever, you know, whatever there they decided to do

Colleen Rosenblum (19:30):

and they're back now because of we're taping during Covid so,

Jenessa (19:34):

right, right. Yeah. Uh, and even if they're not, like maybe they have their own apartment and there, you know, and that probably sucks too for a lot of moms that are like, Oh my gosh, they're calling their kids every 10 minutes. Don't you go outside, you know, social distance yourself.

Colleen Rosenblum (19:54):

Exactly. I mean, I'm very lucky that my kids are home right now because I know they're safe and there, but my daughter is a preschool teacher and they start back May 4th and that's terrifies me. But I know that's what Bob and she has to go and

Jenessa (20:09):

yeah, they, they ended school for the, well, they didn't end it, but that's, we're remote learning for the rest of the year here.

Colleen Rosenblum (20:15):

Right. Which is at least, you know, they're safe. You know what I mean? Then they're safe. But you know, my daughter teaches preschool for special needs and, and first responders and, and other people, they have to go back to work. Yeah. And she misses the kids terribly. So trying to keep her home would be harder. I just have to now when she gets back, be like, change your clothes, take a shower, don't touch anything until you do that.

Jenessa (20:43):

Right. I know. Uh, well hopefully this will you, I mean, we all know

Jenessa (20:48):

that this will end. Like this is not a forever thing. They're not all going to be stuck in our houses and you know, social distancing forever. Right. So, and it's true, it's just getting through it and trying to appreciate the time you do have with them. Because once they leave the nest, when they come back, you know, they're always a little different, but it's just nice to have that time with them. So you kind of have to appreciate it for what it is.

Colleen Rosenblum (21:14):

Yeah. And I think you appreciate the time with them. More like after they've already left one. Yeah,

Jenessa (21:25):

yeah,

Jenessa (21:25):

yeah. But you know, going forward for all these women in this age group that are, you know, now empty nesters and you know, maybe they, maybe, you know, if they're married, like maybe them, their husbands wanted to, they wanted to take a trip around the world or you know, once the kids left to go to college or wherever and, or you know, that European trip or wherever. Like just take the damn trip.

Colleen Rosenblum (21:57):

Exactly. And we have found in, in doing the podcast, talking to people that it's usually either a number one empty nesting and you don't even recognize your husband or wife to one of the parents is excited that the children are leaving and the other one is devastated. So you have to kind of have empathy for both situations or three, you start dating your spouse again and it's great, you know, traveling with them and going on dates that you weren't, I mean, yes, you had your Saturday night dates, but you usually got a phone call from one of the kids or the babysitter or somebody and now you're just dating them again. So it really kind of falls into those three categories, um, all of which have interesting perspectives. But you know, it's kinda, I mean, luckily in my case I dated, I've been dating my husband since I was 17 and we kind of are the, you know, the same personality. So we love to travel. We are supposed to actually, while this is taping, we were supposed to be in Ireland visiting castles as we speak. That's one of my dream trips. Exactly. And I will do it, but, um, it just didn't work out. And that's okay. We have to be safe and we have to understand that sometimes things just happen, we'll make when safe, but we will definitely do it.

Jenessa (23:13):

Yeah. That's amazing. And that's so true. I mean, yeah, for the people that are married and we're so separate really in their lives already, right?

Colleen Rosenblum (23:26):

Is there a world revolved around the kids and when you take the kids out of the equation, they're like, uh Oh, who are you? Do you live here? Yeah. What do we, what do we do now? What do we do with each other? Like we've had, I'm a dating expert on who talked about dating and she was talking about, you know, the hazards of online and, and how your endorphins kind of go when they start texting you and all that stuff. And I'm like, Oh my gosh, if you haven't been on a date since you were 20 something and now you're 45 55 six and you're going on your first date again, I can't even imagine how complicated that must be. I can't even imagine. You know, I, I just, so like if we don't understand, if we can't, if we're not relatable or experts on, and we don't claim to be an expert on anything. So for our, on our experiences, but on our show, if we don't know something, we find somebody who does.

Jenessa (24:25):

Yeah, exactly. Yes. Yep.

Colleen Rosenblum (24:28):

And that works. And usually they're over the age of 40 and they have experienced, and it's just been, I mean, I'm sure you've found this too. We've just met such amazing people and I've heard such incredible stories and learned so much since we started this podcast and we're about six months old now, so we're still pretty new.

Jenessa (24:46):

Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, I find the same thing. It is amazing to collaborate with all kinds of different people and you can definitely hear all kinds of awesome stories and so much, um, genius is just spread out into the world and all these different directions, you know, from podcasts and blogs and lives and videos and YouTube and it can be overwhelming, but it's also amazing that you can get your message out into the world via so many different platforms at once.

Colleen Rosenblum (25:19):

It's incredible. And, and you know, it's just, it's definitely a gift to be able, I think a lot of women as we get older can feel very isolated. We've done some podcasts on making friends after 50 because it's not always easy to do. You know, the mommy and me groups are no longer there and you're not retired and, and you know, with your retirees. So sometimes it can be challenging. Yeah. And we've talked about that and we've given suggestions and you know, it's kind of getting out of your comfort zone a little bit and which is harder as you get older. Some people don't, some people love it and they want to challenge and they want to go skydiving at 80 and that's wonderful. But some people, you know, they have their comfort zone and it's hard to get them out of it.

Jenessa (25:59):

Yeah. And I think, like you said, the biggest thing here is, you know, knowing that you can choose what you're going to do every day and what you're going to do for the rest with the rest of your life. And it doesn't need to be that one big thing. Right. And it doesn't need to be, I'm going to, you know, I don't know, completely change my career or my entire life, like go live at uh, I dunno, Buddhist monks or something. Like you don't need to go that far, but you could if you wanted to. Right. And that's really the beauty of it is that it's almost like being a teenager again with all of the knowledge and, and experience that, you know, the last 30 years has given you think of it that way. Like that's freaking exciting.

Colleen Rosenblum (26:50):

And it is. It really, and you know, usually at this stage of life you are able to do a few more things than you could do before you can afford to do a few more things. We've had travel agents come on and talk about how much more cost effective it is to travel once your kids leave. Cause you can go on, you know, it's not just summertime or spring break or Christmas break or whatever. You're going off times. It's a lot less expensive, same trips, but you're saving tons of money. Um, you know, even if you want to join a book club or it doesn't have to be a huge leap, just be small baby steps to get to that point where you feel like you can take some bigger ones and then bigger steps.

Jenessa (27:28):

Yeah. And really just choosing to be excited about it. You know, I think, yeah, that's really, I think the biggest thing, just reframing to make an exciting, like you raised human beings to, to go off on their own and now they're gonna do this, you know, live the same type of life that you did. Like they're going to do the things that you did. They're going to get married, they're going to have their own kids. They're going to, and they're going to do this same thing that you're doing right now when they're your age going, Oh my gosh, what do I do with myself? So how are you going to show them what they do with themselves at that age? You know, by example. Exactly. Exactly.

Colleen Rosenblum (28:16):

Example. And you know, when I said to my kids, I'm going to start a podcast, they were like, what? Where mom of course, and I was like, it's going to be a hobby. It's just going to be fun. While it's snowballed very quickly, it's turned into like, Oh I love it. It's a passion. So I enjoy the work but it's hours and hours of work a day. You know that there's a lot of work that goes into doing a podcast and I do it happily because I enjoy it. But the kids were like, yes, your mom was a hobby. I'm sure it was. Sure it was because now they see how much work I put into it and they're like, you're better at social media now than we are. It was funny cause I'm really not, well you can decide you want some lessons, but um, the, you know, they see that you can achieve anything you want to achieve. It doesn't mean that, okay this chapter might be closing, but another chapter, and it sounds cliche, but another chapter really is opening and if you just stay tuned to it, it will happen organically. Like if it's forced, it's not maybe meant to be, but if it happens organically, then you kind of are in the right direction.

Jenessa (29:30):

Yeah. Like grab your pen and start writing cause this is a new chapter and you've got the pen. Like there is nobody telling you that you can't write whatever the hell you want.

Colleen Rosenblum (29:39):

Exactly. It's a blank page. It's your journey. You go for it and you can do as little or as much as you want, but just know that there are so many years ahead. You know, 50 is not that old right now. If you're living to be a hundred a lot of times really midlife. Right, exactly. What do you want to do with it? How do you want to live the second half of your life? Yes. It was wonderful raising kids and it was wonderful having a job that I, you know, may or may not have loved, but it's all experiences now. You kind of have that wisdom like you were saying before, what do I, I don't necessarily know what I want to do, but I know what I don't want to do and okay. That might be enough for now. You know what I want to do. So you have, and you don't have a fear of failure in midlife that you had when you were younger. Oh my gosh. If this doesn't succeed, I'll just, I don't know what I'll do and he don't really care. Like, okay, if it works, great. If it doesn't, I'll try something else.

Jenessa (30:40):

Yeah. Yeah. I think that's definitely more lenient, you know, in midlife, although, you know, there are still things that, you know, we look at and go, Oh my gosh, I could never do that because X, Y, Z, right? I'll fail. I'm not good enough, blah, whatever it is. But at this stage of the game, just freaking do it and see what happens. Like roll the dice and see what happens. Yeah. Like it's gotta be fun. I mean, even, you know, even for people that aren't in this stage of life, like whatever you're doing, just make it fun, right? Like don't sweat the small stuff if it doesn't work, you tweak it and you do it again. Like it's gotta be fun.

Colleen Rosenblum (31:29):

So there'll be days where you're overwhelmed and there's still gonna be problems. I mean, your children may be grown, but they're still trying to kill you every day. I mean, just grow up and then there you go. I mean, there's still, you know, I like to call it the revolving door. They leave and they come back and they leave in come back, which is fine. I love it. But you're going to have daily problems and I think you're just more equipped to deal with them as you get older because you realize for me a lot of it is mindfulness. Being present in the moment. Like, okay, today is today. I was always just projecting, okay, what am I gonna do a year from now, two years from now, two years? And that's really hard because you're always saying, well, once this happens, I'll be happy once this happens. But you have to learn to be happy with this now. And I think that's a little bit easier to do as you get older.

Jenessa (32:22):

Yes. Yeah. And I think it's a lot easier to really look inside yourself and understand your mindset when you're older too. Because, you know, when I was younger, if somebody said to me, Oh, you need to, you know, you're, you're creating your own reality with your thoughts. I would looked at them like they had 15 heads. Like, what are you serious right now? Uh,

Jenessa (32:49):

well, I'm gonna go to the bathroom, let alone,

Jenessa (32:53):

what do you mean my thoughts just pop into my head? Are you kidding me? Like, what do you mean? I have control over my thoughts? Like it would be like some scifi thing that, you know, they'd be like, is that, where did you learn that? But, or I would probably say that to myself, you know?

Colleen Rosenblum (33:08):

Right. Sure, no problem.

Jenessa (33:10):

Yeah. And you know, because we're not taught that as we're growing up, we're not taught any of those things, which I try to tell my kids now, not that they listen, but maybe something will sink in,

Colleen Rosenblum (33:23):

right. Two sentences or I'll always do the why. I want you to learn earlier than I did. Well, mom, you weren't like that. Yeah, I understand, but I want you to learn. But they're just, they're on their own journeys. Exactly. And you know, some women find that so hard that, you know, you're on this same journey and then all of a sudden it kind of splits a little bit and you're still parallel. You're still next to each other, but you're not quite in the same line anymore. And so now you're, they're paving their own path that they're, you know, I always like, we'll say, people go, Oh, well you worry too much about the kids. Or I go, it's okay for me to worry as long as I'm not stopping them from doing what they need to do or how I react to it. That's my reaction. And they may just completely blow it off, but as long as I'm not stopping them, which I couldn't at this age anyway, but yeah, I could stop a 24 year old. But, um, it's okay for you to feel what you feel. Give yourself permission, give yourself a break. It's, it's, it's just don't let it stop you and paralyze you from living life. Exactly.

Colleen Rosenblum (34:36):

Cross on the show. You know, women are not one dimensional and we didn't want our show to be one dimensional. So we really kind of consider ourselves the umbrella for midlife and beyond and all topics fall underneath. Like we may have a makeup artist one day and then a death doula on another and then a menopause expert on another because we have so many topics to cover midlife and they just get bigger and bigger and the more we research.

Jenessa (35:01):

Yeah. And that's, you know, it's important too to understand what people want to hear, you know, when you're doing a podcast, but really what, what are the different perspectives that you know, people haven't thought about. Right, right. Because that's what makes it interesting. We can talk all day about everything that we can Google. I mean, we can Google anything, but you know, we can talk all day about that stuff. But really it comes down to perspectives and different, you know, mind shift things or there's things that people haven't thought about before. I mean, there have been many podcasts where I've sat in my car, like my brain felt like it was melting out of my ears. I'm like, what? How do you even think about like things like that, you know? It's a lot of like the spirituality and you know, mindset like thinking like when I first heard you create your own reality and everything you have been taught up to this point is a lie. Like, and then that person got into it. I was like, Oh, I can't even, I couldn't even move for like 10 minutes. I was like, what's, you know it was mine.

Jenessa (36:13):

That boy laying around it.

Jenessa (36:16):

Yeah. And you know what? You just have to be ready to hear it too, you know, because if you can hear it a hundred times, but if you're not open to it, it's not going to matter.

Colleen Rosenblum (36:24):

And that's so true. And a lot of the things use as we get older, they tend to resonate more. Yes. So, and they carry a different meaning. Like you could have said one of those quotes at 20 and it would have meant something completely different than it does in your forties.

Jenessa (36:39):

Yeah, well in my twenties, like I said, I would have looked at myself like in 20 heads, like what, what are you talking about? And totally dismissed it. Right. Wouldn't even have wanted to, you know, um, like research that any further. Now I hear something new and I'm like, Oh my God, how much can I learn on that? How can I help my clients? What do I need? Yeah, yeah, exactly. It's like learning is exciting now.

Colleen Rosenblum (37:06):

Exactly. And if you think about that when you were forced to learn in school, in college or a job or whatever, it was like the grudgingly you did it. Now you have a love for learning because you're learning what you want to learn. Yes. Now and that's so great.

Jenessa (37:22):

Exactly. Yeah. And that's the best thing you can learn. Do, be, have whatever you want.

Colleen Rosenblum (37:29):

It's a gift. And that's why, you know, I think it's really, women are just not seeing midlife for the gift that it is. I mean, if you are lucky enough to get to this age and you know there's gas, you're going to go through menopause, you're going to go through REM DNS and there's, but you know what a gift, if you are free to kind of have a second chapter of what, however you want to define it.

Jenessa (37:52):

Yeah. Of whatever you want. And like with nobody really dependent on you that you know, now you have the time to go, just do something just for you.

Colleen Rosenblum (38:08):

Exactly. And you don't have to feel guilty about it even though you will anyway.

Jenessa (38:12):

Yeah. Even though you really shouldn't have ever felt guilty about it. But it is what it is, right.

Colleen Rosenblum (38:19):

Teaches us we must be on the list or we're not a good parent or a good wife or a good employee or put yourself last. So now you know what, so you can stop doing that. You know we give you permission on the show now. Right now to stop feeling guilty for yes,

Jenessa (38:36):

yes. Coleen, thank you so much. This was an amazing conversation. Tell everyone how they can find you.

Colleen Rosenblum (38:43):

Absolutely. So hot flashes and cool topics is on all podcast forums. So anywhere you look, whether it be Apple or you know, Stitcher or Spotify, we're there. You can find us. Um, our website, hot flashes and well Dom, sorry, hot flashes, cool topics.com. We have all the episodes, we have blogs, we have shopping, we have guests show is we have tons of midlife articles on everything in anything, whether it be mental health or physical health or beyond. Um, and we are on all forms of social media except, except, um, tick tock cause I have no desire to be on.

Jenessa (39:21):

I don't, I'm not, well, maybe your demographic might be getting on there at this time.

Colleen Rosenblum (39:26):

No, I don't think so. I think that's, yeah, I floored enough. Twitter overwhelming enough. It's just like immediate thoughts of everybody being posted on Twitter. But um, Twitter where are cool flashes and um, Instagram were hot flashes and cool topics. We also have a really good, um, Facebook group of women over 40 who want to share ideas, share stories, engage. We have a really engaged group of women and we have just about under just, it's about 500 women on there and yeah, I mean between four 50 and 500 and they're really engaged and they really want to talk about those issues that, um, relate to midlife and beyond. So all those places you can find us and please feel free to email us with ideas. We'd love to be interactive. We love when people say, Hey, can you talk about this or talk about that. And our email is hot flashes called [email protected]

Jenessa (40:22):

Awesome. So good having me on. This was fun. Oh, you're welcome. I'm so glad that you, you know, you came on and this is a little different than what I normally have. So, which is exactly what I was looking for. Something a little different. Right. You know, we're usually talking about more business ended, you know, things. But I have a few recent and upcoming guests are, you know, more based around women in general, like issues of women. Yeah. Because we're all, we're not just entrepreneurs, like our businesses aren't, should not be our identity. So

Colleen Rosenblum (41:07):

I agree with you a hundred percent and, and we try to do that too. We have an episode on workplace and then we had a episode on personal, like women are multidimensional. So I think it's great that you're doing episodes about kind of the well-rounded woman.

Jenessa (41:20):

Yeah, yeah. All right Coleen. Well, again, it was amazing having you here and everyone as usual. You know what I'm going to say? If you've been listening to me, screenshot you listening to this episode and tag me on Instagram and tag Colleen at what is it? Hot flashes, flashes, and cool topics, hot flashes and cool topics on Instagram. So tag her as well and let us know what you got out of this episode, what you loved. Um, if you have episode suggestions for Coleen and you're going to go listen to her podcast and make sure you send her into him and let her know the name here. If you want to hear something here, then you definitely just send me a message and let me know what you want to hear and we will see you on the next episode. Great. Thank you.

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