Who Are You Trying To Impress? Lifting The Veil of Societal BS So You Can Show Up Fully & Authentically with Jeff Harry [Podcast Ep 80]Jul 12, 2021
In this episode, my guest Jeff Harry talks about how he combines positive psychology and play to help organizations and individuals address challenging issues. Listen to how he challenges the current power structures in order to create a more equitable work environment through experiential play.
- The importance of finding work that makes you feel alive
- How you can find all the answers inside yourself so you can implement them, commit to it and do it your way
- The negative impact that uncertainty has In our lives and how to change your mindset so that we can live in the moment and find all the answers
- The play experiments you can do gain courage and bravery so you can experience change
Jeff Harry shows individuals and companies how to tap into their true selves, to feel their happiest and most fulfilled — all by playing. Jeff has worked with Google, Microsoft, Southwest Airlines, Adobe, the NFL, Amazon, and Facebook, helping their staff to infuse more play into the day-to-day. Jeff is an international speaker who has presented at conferences such as INBOUND, SXSW, and Australia’s Pausefest, showing audiences how major issues in the workplace can be solved using play.
Jeff was selected by BambooHR & Engagedly as one of the Top 100 HR Influencers of 2020 for his organizational development work around dealing with toxic people in the workplace. His play work has most recently been featured in the NY Times article: How Do We Add More Play To Our Grown-Up Life - Even Now (https://www.nytimes.com/2020/08/14/smarter-living/adults-play-work-life-balance.html). He has also been featured on AJ+, SoulPancake, the SF Chronicle, and CNN. While we spend most of our time pretending to be important, serious grownups, it's when we let go of that facade and just play, that the real magic happens. Fully embracing your own nerdy genius — whatever that is — gives you the power to make a difference and change lives. Jeff believes that we already have many of the answers we seek, and by simply unleashing our inner child, we can find our purpose and, in turn, help to create a better world.
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Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the elevated entrepreneur podcast. I am here today with Jeff Harry, and we're going to talk about how he combines positive psychology and play to help organizations and individuals address challenging issues. So I'm going to let Jeff introduce himself a little bit better so that he can explain to you exactly who he helps and how he helps them. So here he is. Jeff, how are you today?
I'm doing awesome. Excited about this. I'm ready to get into some, whoops.
Yeah, we're going to whoop it up today. All right. Cool. So tell us a little bit more about you.
Sure. So I run an organization called rediscover your play, where we combine positive psychology and play, uh, to great psychologically safe workspaces, uh, for staff. Um, and then when I'm not doing that, I help a lot of solopreneurs and entrepreneurs basically rediscover their play when they get into that struggling,
We got into our heads, I think. Yeah. I love that. So I know today's subject of talk is lifting the veil of to show mercy in our current patriarchal society is a mouthful. Is it is, uh, yeah. So for, you know, we just pull that down a little bit. It will be, you know, lifting the veil of societal so we can show up fully and authentically.
So, and that's an amazing subject in itself, especially right now, you know, we want with marketing changing the way it is in the way that, you know, it's not about the sales pitch anymore. It's about people being attracted to you because of who you are, what you believe in. And, you know, being able to resonate with you on some level, because you have, you know, the same belief, you understand their identity. Like they feel seen and heard by you, which is right now, I really believe the big shift that's happening in marketing.
Absolutely. And I think it goes deeper than even just marketing. I feel like there's, there's a labor movement that's actually building and I'm actually pitching this to a few publications right now that I don't think a lot of industries realize what's about to happen. Right. Um, so, um, an example of that is like, so do you know Naomi Osaka the tennis player?
Uh, Nope. But tell me all about her
Anyway. She's like number two in the world. Right. And she just, um, said that she didn't want to do interviews, uh, at the French open, which is like one of the most prestigious, like tennis tournaments in the world. There's like four of them. And they were like, well, if you don't do these interviews, then, you know, and she was saying, she didn't want to do them because of her mental health. And, um, they were like, well, if you don't do them, then you can't be a part of the French open basically being like, we're going to take away millions of dollars from you now, what are you going to do? And she goes, all right, I'll just withdraw. And I think like she represents like gen years that are just not taking it anymore. Right? Like this idea of like, I'm going to put my mental health over your job.
That's a reason why a lot of people are not going back to work. That's a reason why 90% of people right now a survey was just done of gen Z is alone. But this also was probably related to millennials as well as gen Xers. My generation is that, um, 90% of want to go back to work in the office. Full-time like, they just don't. And the question that you have to ask yourself when people are like, when your boss is like, well, you got to come back to the office and it's just like, what work is not getting done right now?
What's happening? Like, why do you, why do you need me there besides the fact that you want to babysit me? Because I don't want to commute two hours a day, you know, seven years out of my life. Like, there's just, we're, we're, we're venturing into like this reawakening, you know? Um, I forgot what it was called. I'll get back to that part. Oh, I have to study that more before talking about it. Yeah. But
I think it isn't a reawakening, but a lot of people are just awakening. Like there is a whole new paradigm, like we're on the precipice of it. And it's, some people have started jumping already and some people are like hanging out at the edge, go on Mo not socially, but it's coming. Like, we're all moving towards the edge at this point.
And it's, and it's also like just questioning basic assumptions. Right. I talk a ton about the eight hour Workday, you know, you know, and just where it came from. Like, it was, it was created in 19 seven or 18, 17 by this guy, Robert Owen, who was like a, like a labor activist and like, uh, like he was just a business owner.
Yeah. And that was shortening days.
He may date shorter. Yeah, exactly. Because like, so he makes us up at 18, 17, no one touches it for over a hundred years. And then Robert Ford, you know, hen or Henry Ford of the Ford motor company implemented in 1926. And the only that he did that was because he has, his people were dying on the assembly line. So it was like, oh, I have to. So he doubled salaries, he doubled people's salaries and he moved into an eight hour Workday. Right. Because it effected his bottom line.
But then since 1926, like 94, 95 years, we haven't done anything with it. Right. And then studies have found that you can only do deep work for three to four hours of an, of the day. So like, so what are we doing? What are we doing with the aid of the other five and a half hours that we're at work?
Right. Stupid meetings, dumb emails going to get coffee. Like, why are we like wasting there's even this, um, book that came out called BS jobs or jobs and was all about how like, like 50% of jobs right now, if you took them away tomorrow, wouldn't matter. Like just wouldn't matter. Middle managers, um, finance, um, a, what is it? A hedge fund?
Like so many, like, I think there was a, there was a labor movement that happened a long time ago where bankers, uh, went on strike and they were like, the world's going to come to an end or, you know, and, and it lasted six months because like, people just traded other things besides money.
But when the garbage workers striked, it lasted three days because the city couldn't. So like, we have to like revisit what are like essential jobs. What are, why are we doing part of the jobs that we're doing? You know, and really being like, why aren't we just doing the work that makes us come most alive. Right. You know, because that is what the world needs is. Howard Thurman says.
Yeah. Well, I think this last year, you know, with, COVID forcing everybody to slow down, you know, I mean, do I love the fact that COVID is out there? No, I don't. And I, you know, I know it's real. I know that people are sick and people have died and that there are a lot of people at risk, you know, with this, uh, virus, but I'm a positive side of COVID. It did force us to slow down and it did make us look at our lives and say, what the do I really want?
Yeah, man. Like, like if COVID taught me anything, it taught me that nobody knows what they're doing. Nobody knows. I want to emphasize, nobody knows like Simon Sineck, Bernay brown, Mel Robbins, all the people like I admire were just as lost as me. They all had to scramble the same way.
I'm trying to like, make sense of it. And using words like pivot, you got to pivot right now. Like, there's just like, just like we, no one knows. So like knowing that I tell this to people all the time, like, you know, being that nobody knows you are more of an expert than anyone else. So we have to like be careful of constantly trying to emulate other people are striving to be these other people. When really it's all about, like, if you play enough, you know, the answers are all there, right?
If you allow yourself to get quiet enough and tap into that, Wu enough, like that inner child is constantly whispering to you what you need to do. All the answers are there. And then any advice that I'm giving to someone, the only reason why this advice resonates with you is because you've already given yourself the same advice. I'm simply reminding you of what you already know. That's it,
You got this, you got this. Exactly. And I have a new program coming out too called intuitive business academy. That is pretty much, you know, just that like, Hey, you just, you have all the answers inside you now let's just find them and move them in to motion, implement them, commit to them and do the dang thing, like, and do it your way. Don't do it. You know, you don't need to do it X, Y, Z way, Mel Robbins way, Tony Robbins way.
Like it doesn't, you know, you can absolutely take all the knowledge that you possibly can pull it all in, use the knowledge, but you don't need to, you know, create that their strategies aren't going to work for you, period. You know, I can give you a five-step strategy. Right. But my five-step strategy isn't, I'm not saying it won't work for you. It might, but without your energy behind it, without your essence behind it, without you being out there and showing the world who you are, it's not going to work. Like it works for me. Right,
Right. Yeah. No,
I was just going to say, it's just going to work with the energetics that you put behind
It. Yeah. And I think we're adults are so focused on certainty. We need certainty right. For safety while we think we think we do. Right. Well, I mean, and that's the thing is just like, we get so fixated on results. Right. And an expectations are the thief of joy. And one thing that I've learned, you know, in the Playspace this whole time is this idea of being able to navigate uncertainty and embrace uncertainty. Right.
Um, you know, we were talking about this a little bit earlier, but you know, a lot of people are constantly striving for like perfection. Right. And, and I see plays the opposite of perfection. Perfection is rooted in like shame and ego and, and trying to be right all the time. Right. And being like, I'm scared to fail while play is rooted in like curiosity, all, all the wound stuff. Right. You know, and this idea of like,
Whose stuff, like you were born with that stuff.
Like, this is like, I guess what ruse stuff really is, is just like what you knew when you were a kid, it was all the things you were just fascinated with that we, that we kind of got like so serious about when we became adults. And it's like, man, why didn't we let go of that curiosity in all of the world to, to for certainty. And, you know, and earlier we were talking about like, you know, hanging out with people that are quite affluent.
And I'm like, I know a lot of rich people, I know a lot of famous people. I know a lot of influencers, not that happy, not that happy, you know, they suffer from affluent deadness. Like they have so much stuff, so much wealth and they still are worried that they're going to lose it. They're still worried that they may have a net worth of 5 million, but someone has a net worth of 10 million, or they are so bothered by the fact that they thought that when they got to the spot, everything would be solved. And it wasn't. And then it wasn't. So now,
Ooh, new mindset issues, like come up, new mindset, drama happens when you get to the next level. Like, it is a never ending journey of evolvement.
Right. Right. Then the problem is like, then they post on Instagram, how happy they are. And I'm like, you're not that happy. And they're like, well, I have to post because you know, it makes me feel better that I'm better than somebody else. And so they sell this lie to everyone else that then is trying to get up there.
And it's just like this constant, like, you know, spiral of negativity of, you know, of keeping up with the Joneses when the Joneses are either bored or, you know, not happy or not fulfilled. And, you know, and then the thing is, is like the joy, the fulfillment, the, all the curiosity, the woo, all that's in the moment, all that is all that is playing in the moment. And the more we can like be in the moment, the more that's where all the answers are. But we forget that. We forget that because we're constantly looking
For certainty. Yeah. Yes. Amen. To all of that.
Uh, and I, I had something that I was going to say, and it totally just went out of my head, uh, people pleasing. So in that whole thing, while you were saying that, you know, they, they need to post because they need to, you know, like show everyone how happy they are and, you know, yes. Probably some of it is feeding pieces of their ego to say, I'm still great. I'm still good. I'm still here.
And I'm happy, quote, unquote, happy and, and all of these things. But another piece of it is, you know, that people, they think that people expect them to, to do these things, to be happy, to not complain about, you know, because they feel like they know what people are going to say. If they're like, oh, I'm having a really bad day today. Like people are going to be like, what the do you have to be complaining about? You have like millions,
Probably like people compare their suffering. Yes.
But you know what, having millions of dollars in the bank doesn't mean your mental health is okay. It doesn't mean that your mindset is okay. It doesn't mean your marriage is perfect. It doesn't mean any of those things. So I think the most important part of this whole thing is especially being an entrepreneur and just a human in general, like what do you really want your life to look like?
Right. You know, do you, I know because I've, you know, gone through this whole thing. So my story is in the beginning, when I first started my business, of course it was about money. Right. I want to make money and I want to make it my way. Right. But then it becomes more than that. Like when you're not focused on the money, because that's the outcome, right. When you're not focused on the money part anymore, it's okay.
Well, what do I really want in my life? What do I want my business to provide for me, not what I provide for my business. Like how can my life, how can my business fit into my life and not my life into my business. Right.
And what am I willing to, you know, negotiate or, and, or balance in moving this whole thing forward, because yes, your business is an extension of you to an extent, but, you know, pulling it all together, how do you want to tell, move forward? And what do you want to look like? You know, there is no end. So I can't even say at the end, because there isn't an end, there isn't an end until you're dead.
Right. Right. And I think, I think also I just made a video. It was inspired by this cartoon, from work Chronicles where, you know, uh, someone comes up to his friend is just like, what's your dream job? And his friend is like, huh? He's like, why would I dream of labor? And then Bren starts walking away and he's like, where are you going?
And he's like, I have to rethink my entire life now because Hine, especially in America, we define so much of who we are based off of just what we do. I really actually hate that question. We hope that post pandemic question has gone of like, what do you, what do you do for a living? Because that doesn't actually define who you are. You know, I'd rather ask questions of like, what was the last adventure you were on? When was the last risk you took? What mischief you're are you causing?
I always love asking what mischief, because like, it doesn't because who knows what that is, just because you're an accountant doesn't mean that defines you. And usually whenever you ask someone a question like that, they say the answer and you're like, okay. And then it's just an awkward silence afterwards to talk about whether now do you want to talk, let's talk weather, what other other riveting conversations we will have. So
Nobody wants to talk about accounting. Yeah. I mean an accountant, right? Like what if somebody said to me I'm an accountant, I'd be like, oh, cool. Like, so you love numbers. Like, what are you going to say
To them? But I mean, but even like, you know, say, for example, with, with your poor part of your profession, you're like a photographer,
Correct? Yes. I was just talking to a friend recently about this. Um, and because he's like this phenomenal photographer and he would, we would go to like this Wu camp, uh, cam GLP. And he was like the photographer for that. We were on his podcast talking and I was like, you know what? I just realized this, you're not just a photographer. You are capturing memories. Like you are capturing memories that people can saver for the rest of their life.
That when they forget who they are, right. When they forget like their song, they look back at your photo, your photo and they get that feeling again of like, oh, you know, you saw me as me. You see me. Yeah. And that is magical that on another plane, on the whoop plane, like that's some superhero stuff right there. All right. So I think a lot of times we don't even realize the impact that we're having.
Like I'm about to do this workshop, you know, around, you know, flow for a bunch of lawyers. And part of the process of what we're going to do is we're going to reflect on like, what are, what impact have they had on all of their clients lives. They've worked with like a lot of people that are undocumented, a lot of, you know, abused kids. Like they've done all these things to help all these people.
And part of the process of us getting them in their flow is to simply look back on, like, what impact have you had on people's lives? Like, it's a great question for your listeners to think about, of like, what, whose life have I changed? Because I think a lot of times we don't realize what we've already done, let alone what we want to do, but what have we already done? That has been really powerful.
Yeah. And I think for entrepreneurs, especially in a service-based business or, and, or a newer entrepreneurs who are just getting started and they're posting all the time and they're posting this amazing content and they feel like they're not seeing, seen and heard or being seen and heard, but people are watching and watching and people, you are already shifting perspectives.
You are already moving people from the, you know, road that they don't want to be on to one that's better. You know? Uh, and I learned that too, you know, like I think it was like a year after I was, you know, started coaching and somebody reached out to me and was like, I read your content all the time. And, and this is amazing. And you really helped me and blah, blah, blah. And this person never liked engaged comments, nothing on any of my stuff. And then just eventually one day they just happened to reach out. And I was like, whoa.
And they act like, they know you they've been reading you the whole time. Like, I remember someone reached out to me and they were like, oh man, I've been a big fan. I've been watching your stuff. And like, who are you? Like, like people don't realize who's watching. Right.
And then I, and a play experiment that I do with a lot of clients and your listeners can try out is, you know, as an entrepreneur reach out to three to five of your closest clients or, or your friends and ask them these two questions, ask them like, what impact have I had on your life? You know? Like, why are we friends? Or like, why did you work with me? Right. So what impact did you have on my, on what impact did I have on your life? And then the second question is like, when have you seen me come most alive?
And that's based off the Howard Thurman quote of like, don't ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive? Because what the world needs is more people to come alive. Right? So what impact do you have on your life? And when have you seen me come most alive?
Which another way of asking is like, whenever you see me, most playful, most creative, most myself, ask those two questions and get the answers back and you write them down. Oh, all the patterns that show up, oh my gosh, that is how I've impacted your life. I didn't even know your life changed because of me. Oh my goodness. That is how I come alive.
That is how I've been playful, man. I haven't played in that way in so long. And you start to get all these ideas and then you can reach back out either to three, to five of your closest friends or people that you work with and be like, help me to do this more because this is where all of the energy lies, right? This is where all of like the juices, right. The Wu juice does, you're talking about the gummy Berry juice. I loved that show when I was a kid, you know? And then you take that and then all of a sudden you're bouncing around everywhere because you're doing the thing that you were meant to do that, you know, in the, you know, recesses of your mind, but have been quiet for a really long time.
Yes. Yeah. I find that when I get in my head, like I know now when I'm getting in my head, you know, and you know, we gotta do a little bit of work to know, okay, I'm getting in my head or I'm avoiding doing something else by scrolling on social media for half an hour or whatever. And I'll catch myself doing it. And I'm either I get up and I just walk away from my computer, go outside, do something else. Um, like we just planted a bunch of stuff and things are starting to bloom now.
So I'll like go out and weed now, Otter and I'll do whatever. Just looking at them like, oh, I'm so excited. Like I did this, like I planted this little seed now it's sprouting. So that's exciting. I love that. Um, or, you know, when I, um, do the second thing with the act, did I say so, you're like, I don't even remember what I was talking about because I get so excited about plants.
This ties into the second play experiment that I tell a lot of people to do. Right? So a lot of times you can't play, uh, while you're at an anxiety ridden state, you can't force play. Right. You know, if you're angry, if you're sad, you just have to first feel those feelings like allow yourself to actually fully feel those feelings that I think a lot of times we try to numb ourselves. But if you really want to feel immense amounts of joy, you also have to allow yourself to feel immense amounts of sadness at times. Right? So my, my play mentor, Gwen Gordon would always talk about how you, before you can play, you actually have to soothe yourself.
You have to identify what suits you and you learn how to soothe yourself from the person that took care of you. The most, you almost adopt their soothing techniques, like their nervous system in a way based off of how they took care of you.
So they had unhealthy coping mechanisms. You might have unhealthy coping mechanisms. So you have to like reflect on like, wait a minute. When I'm celebrating, I buy a lot of stuff. But wait a minute. When I, when I'm feeling sad, I also buy a lot of stuff. So you're like, okay, yo, let me, let me examine that. Right?
So first you identify what suits me, what you said earlier, go on a walk, you know, start planting, you know, dancing your costume in your house. Like do the dishes, whatever the thing that calms you down, right? Take a shower. That's when you get a flood of ideas, once you identify that, then I challenge a lot of people to do this, which is super weird for a play person to say, but I'm like, get bored, like really get bored, like bored the way you were bored when you were a kid, because that's when you came up with your most mischievous ideas.
And what do I mean by getting bored, like stop binge, watching Netflix, stop looking at social media. And I'm not talking about forever. I'm talking about like 30 minutes to an hour. And if you're like, oh, I don't have enough time. You know, it'd be like looking at your phone five hours a day. You can find 30 minutes and just get really bored. Maybe you do the dishes while you're bored. But like when you allow yourself to actually get bored, you give yourself the opportunity to hear your inner child. And that's that inner child is going to start whispering to you. Your intuition is going to start whispering to crazy ideas. Ones that make you both excited and nervous nerve cited. So people love that, right?
So it's just like, okay, start that podcast, create that side business, reach out to that person. You've been wanting to reach out to for six months while you've been putting it off, you know, you know, apply to speak at that one place you're so to speak at, or pitch that new pitch, the wall street journal or whatever, the New York times, you know, and you, and you're like, no, I don't can't do that.
And then your voice can do that. I can, yes, you can. Okay. I will. You know, and then it doesn't, it doesn't even matter what the result is of doing it. It's more the idea of now because you're taking action, you're stepping into this world of uncertainty and I can't believe I'm quoting, we bought a zoo, but you know, in that movie, Matt, Damon's like, all you need is 20 seconds of insane courage, like 20 seconds of sheer bravery and everything can change. You're like one risk away all the time. And it's just right there in front of you.
Yeah. Yes. I love that. When you were talking about lawyers earlier too, you know, I can, it sounds like you're taking people out of their left brain, moving them into their right brain. Um, which is amazing because I, I am gifted in the way that I can operate from both.
So, you know, I was in corporate for over 20 years. So I have that corporate logistics, you know, like divine, masculine energy side, where I'm like results. Like, how do we get there? I can like, you know, build a funnel like nobody's business. Like I can see the pieces and parts that need to happen to get to the result, right. All the tactical stuff. But then, you know, I can easily move into the right brain where it's, you know, all the flow and you know, the play and the wonder and excitement in the, oh my gosh, like what's going to happen when I do this.
And, and I was looking this up while you were saying this, because this, that resonated with me so much about the rational mind. So, you know, apparently Albert Einstein said, there's no one can confirm this, but he would say that the intuitive mind is like the sacred gift. Right?
And the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift. So I think a lot of times when we rush to figure something out like, oh, should I take this risk? Don't ask the rational mind because the rational minds only answers our fight flight and freeze. That's it. Can I take a risk?
They're like, no, don't take that risk. That's a horrible idea. You know, you, you can't ask a rational mind, you have to be asking your intuition, your inner child. And I think we forget about this a lot. And I speak a lot about this in the context of inner critic work. So I do a lot of work with like, you know, dealing with your inner critic. How do you play with your inner critic? So here's like another suit gestion for, um, you know, your listeners, because I mean, we all have our inner critic, right?
So first I think a lot of times we don't realize that our inner critic is there to keep us alive. That's the main job. That's its only job it's to keep us alive. So they're constantly warning us of things that frankly, maybe we needed back when we were 13, but we don't need them now. Right.
So when your inner critic shows up, you'll know because you feel like crap and you've been like, you know, you're eating some Oreos, you're watching Netflix. And you're like, I'm the worst person in the world. I felt like that recently. And um, so my inner critic shows up and, and uh, a technique that really helps is to actually, and I learned this from my friend, Marsha, Sean door, write it down, write down exactly what your inner critic is saying, everything, oh, you're a loser. Oh, you're just going to eat Oreos until you die.
Oh no one loves you. Your business is going to fail, blah, blah. And you just write it all down. You don't like you don't judge it. You just like, listen to your inner critic. Okay. What is my inner critic say? And while you're doing it, you ask, you start wondering like, what does my inner critic look like? What is my inner critic sound like? Is it like a bully?
You know, from Andover high, you know, is it, you know, like my aunt and uncle that was constantly on me, like who w like, what is this voice? And then my friend Marsha taught me like, you know, then you name it. And I named my Gargamel about naming. It is then what you're saying is, oh, that is a voice of mine, but it's a voice that's separate from what's going on now with me.
Right. So like, oh, now I recognize, oh, Gargamel speaking. Oh. And Gargamel is like, Hey, you're a loser. No one loves you. You're going to be broke. And I can turn to Gargamel now and be like, actually I'm surrounded by people that love me Gaga Gargamel but thank you for warning me. Actually, my business is doing quite well Gargamel but thank you again for warning me. So you give love to it. Right? But you recognize that it's separate from you. And then, you know, and I even sometimes text my best friend, Dana, when I'm really struggling.
And I'm like, Gargamel saying these things to me right now. And as soon as I write her, it goes away because I'm giving it attention. But the final thing you can do with your inner critic, which is really helpful, and this like supercharges, it is you go back to that list of all the mean things that it said to you and you start to flip them and you're like, Hey, you know, um, you're always going to be broke.
Actually. I'm going to be very successful and, and have quite abundance. Um, no one loves you. Actually, people are, I'm surrounded by people that love me. And I will meet more people that will fall in love with me, which is really exciting. And you start to flip all of these and that becomes your positive mantra.
Then you start saying to yourself, when your inner critic shows up and the more you start saying that to yourself, the more you actually give power to your inner child. And then you can start hearing your inner child more and quiet your inner critic.
Yeah. We do a post like that in my Facebook group every week. It's what am I call it? Well, this, this week it was just like a meme that was like two like little stick figure guys on the top. And one was like throwing a bunch of stuff away. And the other guy was like, Hey, what are you doing?
And then in the next like, block, you know, it says, I'm just throwing away a bunch of stuff that I don't need any longer. And it was like little boxes that like said I'm ugly. Or I, you know, whatever, like things limiting beliefs that you don't need anymore, that, or you, your Gargamel keeps talking to you about. Right. And, um, and I encourage everyone in the group to post. What are you thinking? What are you thinking this week about yourself? Tell me in the comments and we'll flip it.
Like, it's funny, you know, as a, as a coach and you know, this, the thing that people mostly want to hear is that they're not alone, right? That they're not alone that they're seen and that they're heard and that they're loved. And if those things are happening, man, you so much can have so much, so much change can happen.
So just what you just suggested that happens in your group is so powerful. Especially for the people that don't write that. Simply just read it because it's like, oh my gosh, I feel the same way. Whenever I run this inner critic workshop, as soon as we start saying all the things out loud to each other, everyone's like, oh my gosh, it's all the same things. It's like, oh, I'm not enough. You're not worthy. Oh, I'm ugly. Oh, I'm too much. Oh, I'm too little I'm too.
You know? And you're like, well, where is all this? I'm not enough stump coming from. We need more information in a day via social media than most people got in the 1950s in an entire year. And most of it is telling you, you're not enough. You should keep buying stuff from Amazon. You should keep watching Netflix until you die. But the last thing you should do is be you.
The last thing you should do is be your weird nerdy, strange, powerful self, because then you wouldn't be buying all this stuff that I'm trying to sell you. Or you wouldn't know, you wouldn't need it. Like, think about America's so affluent that we have spring cleaning. We have a, we have a season where we just devote the way, all the crap that we bought the year before. Like that's, that's how, like ridiculous affluent we are.
Yeah. I am constantly, here's another tip too, for anyone that sees a bunch of stuff like ads or whatever on Facebook that without you even realizing it might make you feel like crap. Right. I hide them. If I like, I just did it today, I saw an ad and I was like, why am I seeing this app? And I was just like, you know what? I don't want to see it. This is like the third or fourth time that I'd seen this ad too. Right. And I was like, today, for some reason, it just hit me. Like, why am I looking at this? So I just hit it like, and Facebook will ask you why your highlights. And it gives you like 10 different options or whatever. And I always just say irrelevant. Right. You can choose whatever you want. But I just say irrelevant, because if I, if it's irrelevant, then I'm, they're most likely not going to show me ads about that thing again.
Right. And we, and we also have to realize what we're up against. Right? All of these companies, you know, Facebook, well, Instagram's part of Facebook, you know, LinkedIn, Tik, TOK, all of clubhouse, all of them are designed by attention engineers. And these same attention engineers are the ones that have worked on a lot of the stuff that a lot of the devices that are at casinos.
So it's all about making us addicted. So when you're on Instagram, there's a reason why you feel like crap. It's designed that way to make you feel like crap while you keep scrolling, because you can't stop. You're like, oh, let me just look at one more story. Maybe if I look at this one more thing, I'll feel better. Maybe I watch one more YouTube video and it never is enough. Right? So, so figuring out how do I spend less time consuming and more time creating. I know when I, I watch way too many tick talks, I can't make a tech talk video because then I feel like all of the ideas are out in the world.
They're going to be good enough. I'm never
Going to be good enough. Right. And it's not saying don't, don't consume, consume while it, while it fills you with joy, but ask yourself whether you're watching Netflix or an Instagram or Facebook or whatever, just ask yourself from time to time. Is this still bringing me joy? Am I happy right now at this moment? And if not, then get off of it and then start making stuff. And you'd be amazed. How much of your mental energy is then not sucked away?
Yes. Oh my gosh. Yes. Um, something you said earlier, I don't remember exactly what it was, but it was, you know, about being present and, you know, we, we lost that. So much of that human kind period that we're so conditioned to think in the past or the present past and the future that we forget that there is a presence and, you know, man, that, it's so funny because I heard this. But once that, the past, like you can never be in the past again, ever like physically, you can never go back to the past and physically, you never reached the future because the future is happening every second, every millisecond. So you never actually get to the future. You are always no matter what present.
What's so interesting about that is like, it inspires this thing. I just learned that like blew my mind. So do you know, Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you putting her to bed? I don't know what they are. Yeah.
Yeah. So, I mean, basically it's this guy named Abraham Maslow. He made this hierarchy of needs at the bottom is like safety physicists, fizzle, logical safety. And then it builds all the way up to this thing called self-actualization where you like come into your own and you, you, you know, become who you are and, and that's at the top. Right. And people have been referencing it in the positive psychology world for, for decades. Right. Um, but I just recently found out he stole that. He stole it from, um, the Blackfoot, um, native American tribe. And he misinterpreted it actually, instead of it being a triangle where it's so many gurus, make it into triangle is actually represents a teepee. And in Blackfoots, um, hierarchy of needs self-actualization is at the bottom.
I was just going to say, I'm like, there's a problem with that because,
Because Maslow's is so much about being an individual and looking out for yourself and Blackfoots was like, self-actualization at the bottom, like, figure out who you are, why are you on this earth and what impact you want to make on the world? Right. That's at the bottom. The second part is like community actualization, which is like, how is a community?
Are we getting each other's back and using what makes us come alive to take care of each other? Right. And this ties into, I remember once hearing the story of, of someone, you know, in like a rural village in Africa that was like, oh yeah, we have ways in which we address depression, but we just don't use only drugs. Like, you know, if someone's going through depression, we ask why oh is it, oh, it's because, you know, you're not able to farm right now, us as a community is, are going to fundraise so that we can get you the supplies.
So you can start farming. Oh, you can take care of your kids. Us as a community is going to watch your kids. So you can work and feel, you know, like you can like provide for your family. So it's like this, this community actualization of, of how do we get each other's back, right? And in the post pandemic world, this is going to be really important.
How are we showing up with shared humanity and not just focusing on or the individuality, but then the last part, which is really what you resonated with about like the past and future is this thing called cultural perpetuity. And then, you know, in Blackfoot tribe, they re it's also means breadth of life. And it's this idea that like, you're insignificant, like by yourself, you're insignificant, but also you are the most significant link between the past and present.
You are taking the breadth of your ancestors, breathing it in, and you have a choice whether to pass on all of the lessons learned all of the mistakes. They made all of the triumphs of accomplishments, everything that they've learned and pass that on to the next group. Right.
And I think when we focus so much on our individualism, we're like, oh, you know, I'm not really that important. Or like, I'm not going to make an impact on the world, but when you're able to recognize like what your ancestors have done and what you're carrying and what you're willing to pass on. Oh my goodness, dude, key link. You were the key link and that's the power that you have in this moment. And that's why you need to be in this moment fully present to this moment instead of like worrying about the past.
Yeah, yeah. Amen. A freaking men. So I was going to say something and I love it when that happens, because I'm like, Ooh, I got it. And I have a pen and a paper, like right here, I could have written it down and I didn't, but I love it when it happens when you get so like engrossed in a conversation that you're like, I know that there was something, but I don't remember what it was. But what we said was just so good that it doesn't even really matter.
Oh, it's just like, it was just leaving it, like wherever we're going, we're going. I'm like, well, what was the time when I do these interviews? I don't even remember what I said.
I know sometimes I'll go back into the episodes and I'm like, oh, it was pretty good.
I can't believe I did. I thought you said that, but that's part of the co-creating right. Is like, then we're not taking credit. Like it doesn't really matter. Right. We're just vibing off of each other.
Yeah. Now I remember, I remember when I was perfect
And this is the power of, this is a power of like, like active listening and powerful conversation. Yeah.
So it was about community and you know, and you know, you used to say the old, the old saying, which really shouldn't really be an old saying, it should be present thing. You know, it takes a village, right? Like it takes a village to raise kids. It takes a village to, you know, just have, or create harmony in your life. Right. That we're all so conditioned now to feel like we have to do it all by ourselves.
We have everything on our shoulders and we hate asking for help. This is one of the biggest, biggest things that I see with entrepreneurs right now is that everyone's trying to be better than everybody else. Everyone's trying to make themselves look like they are successful. Everyone's trying to make themselves look like they are the best at what they do. Which doesn't mean that you're not, it just means that we all have things we need help with.
Yeah. So, oh, that's so I resonate with that so much. We have been gasoline. Yeah. Oh, much. The believe that everything is. Yeah. Right. We, yeah. We, I mean, we've been gasoline so much to believe that everyone's our competition, you know, and when I was studying positive psychology, one of the, one of the tenants is, is other people matter. And, and our, our professor would always tell us like, look, there's plenty of work for all of us.
We're not competing against each other. We're just trying to help the world. That's it. And imagine if more entrepreneur just showed up that way and be like, Hey, let me help you out. And I'll help you out. And let me introduce you to that. And Hey, if you get my back, that'd be great. But if not, no worries. I got you. And the more we would just help each other, probably the more successful we are because what, oh, I just saw this quote today of like, someone's like, Hey, if you help someone go up a mountain, you go up the mountain as well.
Right? Like it's not an instead. We're like constantly pushing people off the mountain, like, or the hill. We're not even going to a mountain right now. We're constantly pushing people off this small hill that we're trying to be like, I'm better than you. And it's like, why are racing each other up the hill? Yeah. Like, yeah. Why, why, why are we trying to get all on the Forbes, top 40 lists? Like, who cares? Like who cares? Like later on in life?
Like none of that stuff really matters at the end of the year life. You know, we have to learn from the dying. What are the biggest regrets of the dying is like, I wish I lived the life that I wanted to live and not the life that other people expected of me. Right. And it's like, we need to stop trying to like outdo each other or, or, or think that we're better than one another, because we're missing out on actual living.
We're missing out on all the connections that we can possibly make because instead we're demonizing people or making them our competition when it doesn't even matter what they're, they're on a totally different path. Everyone's on their own path and we're not racing people.
And it's hard. I have to remind myself of this. Sometimes even with my friends, when my friends are successful, I'm like, yay, I'm happy. But a part of me is like, oh, I'm also jealous. I wish, you know, and it's just like, it's a real thing, but able to practice celebrating others and their successes actually makes your life more, more worth living. Yeah. Then hating all the time.
He usually just elevates you faster.
Yeah, it does. And there's
A lot of reasons behind that too. Right. It's your mindset. But even behind that, it's like your universal energy, your frequency, your vibration is now different and it's higher. And it's going to call in more of what your you're expanding. You're sending out, you know, you're transmitting energy at the, at the, oh my gosh, I'm jealous. Like, why did that happen to them?
And I can't blah, blah, blah, or this or that, or the other thing, like that's low freaking vibration. And that you're just going to call in more of that. And it's the word you're using too? Why can't I, you know, why didn't that happen to me? Yup. Um, you know, the words you're using, those can be flipped around to something completely different and yes, it's true. When you change that, those words, the energy changes, your frequency changes, your vibration changes. It all changes up. So I actually wrote this quote down today and it's, I don't know who wrote it. I mean, I probably should have wrote down their name, but it was somebody that actually just commented on a post. And I was like, oh my God, I gotta write that down. But it says your thoughts have the power to propel you in any, into any one of your alternate realities. Are you thinking? And I'm like, whoa, that's a good one.
No, my, my friend Patricia Moreno would say the words that come or come after I am. Oh yeah. The term and everything that, their terminals, everything. So what are you saying after I am? You know, am I saying I am powerful. I am awesome. I am a connector. Like I am changing the world. Are you saying I am not enough? And again, we have to realize all of the propaganda that's constantly telling us.
So I think one of the things I've been reading this book called the power map and it's all about power and how, you know, you either show up in a conversation, IRA from either from a place of power or a place of powerlessness. Right. And if you're showing up from a place of power, there are two types of power. You can show up supremacy power, which is all about the individual.
It's all about. I gotta be at the top of the totem pole. It's all about, it's very black and white thinking. It's very individualistic or, or like more of this egalitarianism power where you're constantly trying to raise all boats. Like let's, let's help everyone as well as ourselves. Right. And when you're showing up with that level of energy, it's what you said earlier.
You start to attract more of that really powerful energy that you've been wanting for so long. And it's so weird how we, we believe the myth that we have to win all on our own. Right. And then we have to be number one and we have to be, everyone needs to constantly be paying attention to me and like, look at me and I gotta make another video. Some more people know about me. Like the more we actually help each other, the more like we start creating stuff that can become viral. Not because we are strong, are trying to get viral, but simply because we are allowing people to fully see our us we're fully vulnerable. Right. And we're co-creating, and we're making something that we couldn't create otherwise like we're doing right now. Yes.
Boom. I wish you guys could see this, but he's like waving as is, uh, I don't know. What is that? Yeah. I'm waving a towel and now I have a no, no, I have a Santa clause that is just that just dances and
Nice. Yeah. I, I think that anyone listening to this episode, uh, if you've listened up to this point, you've just got a whole ton of information and a whole lot of, uh, perspective shifts and you know, things to think about. So Jeff, thank you so much for, for coming on and sharing this conversation with me because this definitely wasn't, you know, just, I really feel like this wasn't just like a year ago, guest, and you know, the podcast episode, like we really did just like totally co-create this as, uh, in an energetic, you know, amazing frequency.
Yeah. Like if something resonates with one, one listener, I feel like something where we it's our job. There's some times when I, I have this experience doing podcasts where we say something and I'm like, Ooh, wait a minute. That might be the thing. Yeah. So I don't know what we said today, but I'm so happy that we made this happen so much. And I really hope this works.
Yes. Well, tell everyone where they can find you.
Absolutely. So you can find [email protected], simply click on the let's play button, where then I have a bunch of play activities where you can actually learn about yourself and then feel free to also, uh, click on the, on the, uh, button that so we can have a conversation. We can figure out how you can kick more butt in this world and enjoy being your full, true nerdy self all by playing.
Love it. Celebrate your weirdness,
Celebrate your weird. Oh, and oh, and I have one more before we bounce. Can I, can we do one more play game? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So I learned this from, uh, from death cards, as I do these death chats with my friends and we talk about death is sometimes when you embrace death, you are able to like really live, right?
So, so fill in the blanks on this. This is called the tombstone game and, and I'll I'll first. So, and your listeners can do this as well. Um, you fill in the blanks of this here, lies blank, right? Best remembered for blank, blank and blank. So I'll go first here lies Jeff Harry, best remembered for showing that play can heal the world for embracing his nerdy weird, strange self, and for bringing back high fives, post pandemic.
I love that. All right, I'll go. Uh, here lies the McKenzie best known for, uh, inspiring the world to create their own reality, uh, shifting perspectives so that people know exactly who they truly are. And, uh, wow. That's a good one. The third one sometimes can be a kicker. Huh?
Just let it out. Whatever comes up. It doesn't matter.
All right. I'm showing her kids how to commune with their own energies and intuition so that they can pass it on to the next generation. Whoa,
Magic right there. When you write that down, you're like, oh dude, did I do that today? Looking at that sentence. If I did that today, that's a good day. If I did any of those things, that's a good day. So thank you so much for playing and yeah, I appreciate.
Yeah. I love that. So yeah. So everyone listening right now, I know that you got something out of this episode. Uh don't lie. So I want you to screenshot this and I want you to tag, are you on Instagram, Jeff?
Yes. Jeff Harry plays J E F S H a R R Y P L a Y S. That's where I make my weird videos.
Awesome. So go watch. Jeff's weird videos on Instagram, but tag him when you screenshot this, you're going to put it in your stories. You're going to tag him and I, and you're going to tell us what one of the biggest takeaways for you from this episode was, and then you're going to awesomely just, just because just DMS and just say, Hey, what's up? Just so that, you know, we can see your wonderful words on our screen,
And then we know someone's listening. We just want to know you.
All right. So do that. And then we will see all of you in the next episode.
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